Lodagus was sitting in a French-themed bistro nuzzled in the bustling heart of New York City. The pitter-pattering sound of rain outside the window he sat beside made his $3 coffee taste more like a $6 one. Head-leaning on the glass, he stared ahead, looking at an unfixed location as people and cars passed. The pace of foot traffic increased as people tried to stay dry. Some people had umbrellas; some did not.
On rainy days, the line between tranquility and panic, it seemed, is only a few millimeters of nylon.
Unexpectedly, a flash and loud ZAP came from around the corner. Lodagus’s passive attention sharpened. Turning the corner was a thin, mid-height, elderly man with a beard that would give Merlin a run for his money. He was wearing some sort of monk robes with a bright neon orange ‘Pura Vida’ t-shirt underneath it. A stethoscope dangled on his shoulders. He was holding a strange, glowing device in one hand and an unopened umbrella in another. No one else seemed interested in this character as he approached Cafe Énigme’s front doors. After entering the entered the cafe, he immediately popped open his umbrella and held it over his head, and headed directly toward Lodagus.
“Ummm. Can I help you?” Lodagus asked hesitantly.
“You? Help me?” the drenched man laughed out loud.
“Oh no Lodagus, I don’t need your help. I’m here to help you. Let me introduce myself, I am… oh how do I say it… I’m a being from… outside time or space. It’s hard to explain with human concepts but call me Ángel. I’ve been assigned to help you understand the nature of reality.”
Lodagus stared skeptically at Ángel.
“A being outside time and space - You mean like an angel?”
“Of course! Do I not look like one? That is the first lesson - looks are deceiving. Let me fix that.”
Ángel pulled out his ethereal-looking handheld device. Lodagus got a better look at it. It had, literally, one button. Ángel pressed that button.
Click
Instantly, his previous wardrobe transformed into that of a beekeeper - hat, gloves, and an occasional bee flying around too.
Lodagus stared once again at Ángel, but now with bewilderment, not skepticism.
“Ahhh. Ok - I’m actually just not that great with this thing. But yes, I am like an angel, and I am here to help you. Let’s go somewhere quieter”.
Click.
With another hit of the button, the world around them had evaporated. Lodagus found himself floating in nothingness. Ángel now formless, nowhere to be seen, yet still somehow heard.
“You see Lodagus, the nature of reality can be summed up with just a few concepts and unconcepts. Unconcepts are a concept, of sorts, kinda, that your kind hasn’t discovered yet. Yin-Yang type stuff. Okay so first…”
Lodagus’s attention quickly changed from Ángel’s monologue to the fact that this nothingness was quite literally nothingness - no oxygen. Fear quickly took hold as Lodagus realized he couldn’t breathe or talk. His mind started racing. He thought: Is this it? Is this how I die?
Click.
A rush of air entered Lodagus’s lungs.
“1) This isn’t how you die. ” the ethereal voice said. '“ and 2), death shouldn’t concern you. The afterlife isn’t really what you are imagining. Haven’t you heard of Doug L. Forcett? The dimensionless, timeless, hyper-crystalized reality substrate is hard to describe… OK - I'll show you, but I doubt it'll be helpful .”
Click.
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Click
Lodagus found himself back on Earth. Back in the coffee shop. Back in the rain storm. Back with Ángel across the table. This time, Ángel wearing a jellabiya and Venetian plague doctor mask.
“Look, you are probably confused” Ángel said defeatedly. “But this is good - it means you’re on the cusp. Surf that wave of uncertainty. If there is one thing I want to get across, it is this.”
Ángel stood up, took his umbrella out of his pocket, placed it on the table, and slid it over to Lodagus.
He nodded solemnly, turned around, and walked out the door of Cafe Énigme. As he passed by the window, he appeared to be walking down a set of stairs. His body slowly dropped lower and lower with each step. Lodagus watched with disbelief until Ángel’s head was no longer seen bobbing up and down. Lodagus stood up and looked down at the sidewalk where Ángel had just been to confirm with his own eyes what he already knew - there were no stairs there. Just a sidewalk. And now a very befuddled Lodagus.
Everything was back to normal. Lodagus looked around at everyone calmly going through their day. The only proof that this whirlwind experience wasn’t a personal psychotic break was the umbrella sitting in front of him on the table.
Lodagus picked it up and noticed an engraving on the handle: ‘For indoor use only’
In that moment, Lodagus woke up.